I’m not gonna lie: it’s been quite a week.
Exactly 7 days ago I gave up caffeine. ALL caffeine. Not quite on a whim, but close enough. And its probably not in my best interest right now to be writing this at 4 in morning, but when inspirations strikes ya just gotta seize the day/morning/night. Words come when they want just as caffeine, um, leaves when it wants? Either way, it left. I gotta say, I wish it had gone a little more respectfully – with even an iota of forewarning (and physical ease) – but the stars had quite frankly aligned.
Exactly 5 days ago I had my first reiki attunement. Well, not exactly 5 days ago – it happened at noon, which leaves me a bit of a limbo at times like this, teetering between theoretical chakra cleanses. My reiki master explained that the attunement, for whatever reason, will quicken the chakras, more or less one by one, over the course of a week. This repeats three times, for a grand total of 21 days of cyclical healing and growth. Now I’m not sure if this is precise, but it sure seems legit so far. At the very least, it’s a useful lens for viewing my inner drama.
‘Cause it’s been a little dramatic.
Day 1: Root Chakra
The first day was spent training, learning the ins and outs of “laying on the hands,” working in the energy field, and noticing all the ways I fail as a human being and have no right to set foot on this planet. Ya know, reiki stuff. It’s said that an attunement can be intense for some, and I expected rushes of energy, sleep disruptions, kinetic overwhelm. Well, another expression of this sort of energetic activation is a relapse of old symptoms: a visceral experience of your energetic baggage being flung off of your aura as each chakra picks up the pace. And I’ve got some baggage.
Day 2: Sacral Chakra
While the first chakra deals with groundedness (or lack there of), the 2nd chakra is the literal and figurative womb: house of creativity and passion. I’ve been reading a great book about it all, a chakra a day. I’ve also built a routine of meditation, yoga, and crystals around the psychic phenomenon I’ve been swept up on. I’ve sensitized myself to the process, opened myself up, given all my attention to each minute detail of my shifting moods. And you know what? Not much happened this day. I showed up to reiki training with a raw root chakra hangover, still questioning the validity of my existence, but was quickly swept away by the beauty of reiki, and soon found I could palpate an aura like the best of ’em. And maybe that’s it. Maybe healing is simply a passion of mine, and I was too enamored of learning such a beautiful art to feel any of my inner-prison bars being twisted and pried apart. Maybe I was doing just what my sacral chakra wanted.
Day 3: Solar Plexus
I had a couple friends come over (in masks, don’t worry), and finally got to practice my new craft in real life! Well, not quite finally – by this time I’d reikied myself, my husband, my daughters, a couple houseplants, several crystals, the cat, a few glasses of water, dinner, a book, a piano, several abstract concepts, and a song – but I was ready for more unsuspecting prey. All went well. The whole day went well.
Until I got The Email.
You see, I’m going into business with a friend of mine; this is why I learned reiki to begin with. She’s a reiki practitioner, as well as a skilled healer of many walks. And a counselor. And a lawyer. She’s pretty phenomenal. I got nothin’ compared to her. I can be trusted with a tarot deck, and wrote a solid 4.5 star novel about a dude more or less going insane. I like interior design, know a thing or two about plants, and have a spotty history of unintentional spirit communication. That’s it. But it could be worse? Between the two of us, we figured we could offer alternative therapies to the local community, and hatched a scheme centered around tarot, astrology, reiki, intuitive counseling, shadow work, ancestral karma, and personal trauma mainly aimed at women, the queer community, and men who’ve been sexually abused (a whole demographic of secret pain, I’ll tell you what). It’s a small town. We figured we were being unique. Filling a hole. Fulfilling a need. We thought: “No one else is doing this. Surely there is a place for us in this world after all.”
Enter The Email.
My friend/soul mate (it was “business partners at first sight” — a real coup de foudre) emailed me a picture of a sign she’d seen at the food co-op advertising for PRETTY MUCH EXACTLY WHAT WE PLANNED TO DO.
Now let’s talk about the solar plexus. That’s your will. Your inner fire. Your confidence. Your ability to power through minor mishaps like this.
Let me tell you, it’s good that I have a business partner. On my own, I would’ve completely crumbled. I was raised to believe that my dreams were not worth pursuing, that I was nothing “special,” that the world was cutthroat and competitive and I was I was bound to fail. My only hope in life was to take no risks and “get in line” — and since I sucked at getting in line, I was worthless. (Not the best way to raise a kid, do take note.) But the past is past, and I had my partner to think of. I couldn’t stand to see her spirits fall. So I unloaded a three page pep talk on her, reminding her that what we offer is still original! One man’s tarot, reiki, and tea is not every man’s tarot, reiki and tea.
And then I crumbled.
Day 4: Heart Chakra
It was only natural that the despair following The Email flowed into a sense of broken-heartedness. It goes without saying that if you don’t have the confidence to follow your dreams, you’re not gonna have much love for the world. Each chakra depends on the one below it much like a building – we all know what happens when you build on a poor foundation.
But you know what I didn’t know?
The heart chakra is the part of the building where we keep all the caffeine.
I’ve been led to believe that anxiety is a mental health disorder, but after yesterday, I strongly beg to differ. Not only does the heart (and the stomach) act much like a brain in and of itself, it’s frankly where so much anxiety shows up! Racing hearts, palpitations, immanent cardiac arrest. As day 4 progressed, the worst of me started showing up: I was snapping at the kids, jumping at noises, hallucinating spiders, unable to tolerate human touch. I would’ve never guessed that this was all heart chakra stuff, yet it made itself abundantly clear: my heart was pounding, my palms were sweating, my breath was strained.
Ya learn something new every day.
Day 5: Throat Chakra
Which brings us to now. It’s obviously not noon yet, so according to my estimates I’m still in heart chakra territory, but it’s still my throat chakra day. And what a way to ring it in, starting a blog! I can think of few things more suitable for a chakra so desperate to stand up and be heard. Or at least read.
I’m curious what the day will bring. Since my attunement, it seems the whole universe is conspiring to help me throw off my bongs I MEAN BONDS. (lol what did i write omg). Daily, I’m provided with prompts, tests, triggers – magnifying glasses through which to acutely see just what I need to let go of. The lonely drives to my reiki class allowed me to really feel my uprootedness. The reiki training allowed my passions to come forth and blossom. The Email, ya know, happened.
And maybe today, I’ll be forced through some kind of editing boot camp. If my throat chakra really does want to communicate, it’s gonna have to set aside all those bongs.